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#1
Old 3-05-2004, 19:29
Australia
32 Years Old
11,694 Posts
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Post some jokes in here....dont have to be good. Can be dirty, lame, etc doesnt really matter as long as it gets a laugh!
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#2
Old 3-05-2004, 19:31
Australia
32 Years Old
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Q. Whats the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
A. You can gargle sand
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#3
Old 3-05-2004, 19:41
Melbourne
32 Years Old
4,105 Posts
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Q. Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?
A. About 10years.

Q. Whats worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A. A bitch that wont do as she's told.
(Please don't kill me pada/zoo. It's just a joke!)
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#4
Old 3-05-2004, 19:45
Australia
33 Years Old
1,681 Posts
ExitWound ExitWound is offline
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heres a joke,
Hiero.

roflroflroflroflrofl~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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#5
Old 3-05-2004, 19:46
Australia
354 Posts
Viulent Viulent is offline
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Q)what does santa claus and michael jackson have in common?

A) they both leave kids rooms with empty sacks

this is saber-wolf,i cant log in to my account.
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#6
Old 3-05-2004, 20:09
Australia
30 Years Old
1,362 Posts
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thats because your a noob sw~
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#7
Old 3-05-2004, 22:22
Australia
1,941 Posts
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st's a poof.. oh shit thats no joke.. my bad
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#8
Old 4-05-2004, 00:04
Sydney
35 Years Old
2,029 Posts
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RogerExplosion RogerExplosion is offline
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A bloke walked into a bar, and went straight to the toilet for a piss. He happened to notice in one of the cubicles an elf sitting down. He also happened to notice that the elf had a penis the size of his forearm. So he went back to the bar. And when the elf came into the room he said

"Look I happened to notice you were quite well equipped for an elf. How did that come about?"

The elf looked at him and said

"Ill tell you. I used to work for santa claus. I'm retired now, and when you work for santa you get three wishes as a retirement gift. The first wish was to be rich and have lots of money. My second wish was to have a ginourmous penis."

The man looked at him and said

"Oh. So what'd you do with your third wish?"

"I haven't used it yet" Said the elf. "But if you like, I'll give it to you. But first you have to let me have sex with you."

The man spat out his beer, promptly said "Fuck off" and trudged off to the other end of the bar. As he sank a few more beers though the idea started to turn in his mind. He imagined all the wonderful things he could get with a wish, so he walked back over to the elf.

"Look, I'll let you do it, but we have to go somewhere else."

The elf laughed and suggested a few bushes outside would be ok. So off they went. Anyway, halfway through his job, the elf taps the man on the shoulder.

"How old are you by the way?" said the elf.

"37" he said.

"Hah, and you still believe in santa claus?"
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#9
Old 4-05-2004, 01:16
Australia
30 Years Old
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why dont women wear watches?

theres clock on the stove

why dont cannibals eat clowns?

they taste funny
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#10
Old 4-05-2004, 13:37
Australia
31 Years Old
6,274 Posts
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Why do women wear White to weddings?

Because the dish washer has to match the fridge and oven.
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#11
Old 4-05-2004, 16:50
Australia
281 Posts
Escudo* Escudo* is offline
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One day, a young woman came into the doctor's office,
complaining of some pain. The doctor asked her, "Where is this
pain?"

The woman replied, "Oh doctor, I hurt all over!"

The doctor looked at her and said, "Well, 'all over' is pretty
vague, could you be more specific?"

"It's just all over," the woman started. She touched her knee
with her index finger, "Ouch! That hurts!" Then she touched her
cheek with the same finger, "Ouch! That hurts too!" she cried.
And then she touched her ear lobe, "Ouch! You see? Even THAT
hurts!" She looked at the doctor, waiting for his diagnosis.

"Are you a natural blond?" inquired the doctor.

"Why, yes," replied the blond, "why do you ask?"

"Ah ha!" returned the doctor, his look of confusion replaced
with confidence, "That explains it! You have a broken finger."
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#12
Old 4-05-2004, 21:50
Queensland
437 Posts
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Q)how many men does it take to replace the kitchen lightbulb
A)none, let the bitch cook in the dark

$500

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 500 dollars to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 500 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 500 dollars he owes me?"
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#13
Old 4-05-2004, 21:51
Queensland
437 Posts
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A Fairy Tale



One fine day mister rabbit goes running around the forest. He sees a giraffe rolling a joint.

"Giraffe, giraffe! why do you do drugs? come run with me instead"

So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing lines. Says the rabbit:

"Elephant elephant. why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead."

So the elephant stops and goes running with the two.

Then they come across the a lion preparing a syringe.

"Lion, lion!" cries the rabbit, "why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead."

The lion with a mighty roar bashes the rabbit to smithereens.

"No!" the giraffe and the elephant cry "why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you out!"

"Damn rabbit always makes me run around the fucking forest when he's on speed!" the lion replies.
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#14
Old 4-05-2004, 22:38
Australia
30 Years Old
5,104 Posts
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that ones cooler when u use the slang terms for the drugs, making it too referent to actual names makes it suckage ~
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#15
Old 4-05-2004, 23:01
Australia
1,881 Posts
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Q- Whats yellow and mows my lawn?
A- None of your fucking business i can paint my nigger what ever colour i want.
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#16
Old 4-05-2004, 23:04
Australia
45 Years Old
3,148 Posts
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durge wins
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#17
Old 4-05-2004, 23:24
Perth
30 Years Old
984 Posts
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Katana Katana is offline
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i was gonna say it was your avatar... not far off i was :O~
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#18
Old 4-05-2004, 23:46
Australia
44 Years Old
261 Posts
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TOG |Barch Barch is offline aka Biatch
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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and said to the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal ?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give me back my dog".
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#19
Old 5-05-2004, 14:30
Australia
29 Years Old
6,467 Posts
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rofl biatch great
Q- what did the man say when he walked into a bar
A- ouch
rofl~
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#20
Old 5-05-2004, 14:43
Australia
36,557 Posts
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durge wins
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#21
Old 5-05-2004, 17:55
Australia
31 Years Old
9,719 Posts
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lolz i can copy and paste from orsm.net too
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#22
Old 5-05-2004, 18:48
Melbourne
32 Years Old
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durge wins ^^^
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#23
Old 6-05-2004, 00:07
Australia
30 Years Old
5,104 Posts
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a piece of string walks into a bar. he goes up to the bar and the bartender says, sorry mate we dont sell to pieces of string in here.. the piece of string disheartened walks out of the bar round to a back alley, throws himself into a loop and starts rubbing up against the wall.. after about 5 minutes he walks back into the bar and the bartender returns..

"hey arent u that same piece of string?"

to which the string replies "no im afraid not"

get it a FRAYED KNOT~ lolz0 ~
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#24
Old 6-05-2004, 08:35
Australia
33 Years Old
1,622 Posts
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Virtuoso Virtuoso is offline
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a man walks into a bar, the bartender says "whats this some kind of joke?"
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#25
Old 6-05-2004, 12:58
Australia
33 Years Old
1,681 Posts
ExitWound ExitWound is offline
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Q - whats black and hoons around your custard at 100kms an hour?

A - A prune with an outboard motor~

ROFLFORLFOROFORLFORLFOL
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#26
Old 6-05-2004, 13:04
Sydney
29 Years Old
2,565 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Durge
Q- Whats yellow and mows my lawn?
A- None of your fucking business i can paint my nigger what ever colour i want.
So sad man, you always go to go with the racial stuff
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#27
Old 6-05-2004, 13:23
Australia
32 Years Old
102 Posts
Stealthy Stealthy is offline
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Q: What do you get when you mix an asian with a black man?

A: A Theif that cannot drive

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#28
Old 6-05-2004, 13:26
30 Years Old
1,222 Posts
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Q. What's the difference between David Beckham and Ferrero Rocher chocolates?

A. David Beckham doesn't come in a posh box anymore.
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#29
Old 6-05-2004, 13:29
Australia
32 Years Old
4,267 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stealthy
Q: What do you get when you mix an asian with a black man?

A: A Theif that cannot drive

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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#30
Old 6-05-2004, 13:54
Australia
637 Posts
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AnAcOnDa AnAcOnDa is offline
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how did the gay guy know his boyfriend was cheating on him?

he came home shitfaced
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